Direction (Qs.1 to 8): Read the following passage and answer the following questions. Some words are highlighted to help you answer some of the questions.

Life has shown me that you don’t see how reliant you are on being ‘strong’ until you acknowledge your discomfort in situations that call on you to express your need for support. Perhaps you keep a lot to yourself, not because you’re deceptive, but to avoid being a ‘burden’.  Your discomfort may be disguised by thinking that you’re just trying to figure things out on your own. Unfortunately, this means that when it comes to asking for, and receiving, support from loved ones, you’re either avoiding it altogether or waiting until it’s an emergency. Of course, if you only depend on others when you’re at the equivalent of sirens blaring, support becomes something you utilise when you’re in dire straits instead of part of the fabric of your life. This is destructive, not just to your sense of self, but also to your relationships.

Everything us humans do is about meeting our needs. These range from the practical survival ones like food, shelter, hydration and sleep, to security, intimacy, connection, attention and community, recognition, approval, status, power and validation. All humans need help and support, albeit to varying degrees depending on our character, personality, and circumstances. Our approach to these, including whether we allow ourselves to receive or we focus on always being The Giver, tend to be driven by the past. If we struggle to admit that we need support, it’s generally because of earlier life experiences and messages that we’ve picked up about what these mean. On some level, asking is deemed as threatening to our wellbeing or something that will lead to disappointment.

Maybe we were the eldest or only child, and we’re used to being over-responsible to feel worthy, safe and needed. Perhaps we’re the way we are because we parented our parents or were their caretaker from a very young age, or being under supported taught us to be self-reliant. Maybe, despite having solid loved ones around us, we’re still guarded due to past hurt.  These lessons helped us to survive our childhood, but they’re holding us back from who we really are in adulthood.

Don’t ask, don’t get. We don’t always have to be the strong one –asking for help when it’s needed builds intimacy and strengthens every relationship. Asking for help and support doesn’t make us weak; it makes us human. Always being the giver, or seeing people as a means to an end, or feeling as if we have to earn support first, or pay it back, is a block to intimacy. What does always being The Strong One say for the vulnerability in our relationships? Who does everyone else have to be to facilitate our role? And, yes, it is ok to ask for support, especially if you’re inclined to typically be The Strong One, because people might not know the extent of your struggle behind the mask. Your perpetual strength and busyness might obscure their view. Asking doesn’t make you needy, but it also doesn’t mean that they’re a bad partner, friend or family member for not instinctively knowing.

When you ask for, or show that you need, support, you humanise yourself, but you also let others in and express your boundaries and bandwidth. Instead of fearing dependence, you get to enjoy the mutual reliance of interdependence. As a result, you and your relationships will prosper.